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Give us a
Guinness,
half a Stella,
gin and tonic and
A smile.
Give us a smile,
love.
To smile or not to smile? That is the question
If I do I lose I don’t I’m rude
Either way, they’ll be on the booze
Oh don't be bitter, darlin’!
with a face of doom behind that bar
I only asked for
No logo on the frown
A Strongbow, not a strong brow.
Even my dog don't look that broody!
Right, are you done with the banter?
Yes.
Sorry love.
Actually, could you get us a Fanta.
I'm only having a laugh,
I promise.
But, seriously, are you feeling a bit stale?
No, I think you’ll find it's your drink that’s pale.
I’m not yet at boiling point
But you’ve ordered Hells.
Kitchens called out
Looks like I was saved by the bell
No, love
don’t go
You’re being over-
sensitive?
Well let’s play a game...
Say those words to the next man you see
And we’ll see who's more tame.
Come on love,
Don’t be Sourz
I’ll buy you a pint of apology
Or would you lass prefer flowers?
You want to buy me a pint of apology?
Sorry
I don't think we have that on tap.
But,
Unfortunately, your apple pay doesn't make us contact less
So, I’ll swallow my London Pride
And avoid speaking with my chest.
Instead
I’ll watch you men raise your glass above the ceiling
And hope to be judged on my pints, not my pearls
Later on this
Evening.
Words + Image: Olivia Warner, she/her