My Top 10 Sexy Non-Sexual Things: How to Stay in a Girl’s Mind Rent-Free

There’s no shortage of online content telling men how to be ‘good in bed’: from which lingerie turns men on most, to the best moves, the right dirty talk, and even instructions for their hands. It’s all very loud, very intentional, and honestly a bit repetitive. What I rarely ever see talked about are the small, everyday things, the innocent, almost accidental moments that lodge themselves in my brain and replay until the moment I’m finally asleep. So I sat down, reflected, and compiled a list. For my girl and gay readers: agree or disagree as you see fit. For my handful of male readers: these are my strongest, most effortless tips for casually making a person swoon. 

1. Pulling off their t-shirt from the back 

There is something criminally underrated about a man pulling a T-shirt over his head from the back. The quick flash of skin, oh lord. It feels chic. It feels careless. It feels like you forgot other people were watching, which is exactly why it works. Unintentional sexiness will always beat anything rehearsed. There is a fleeting quality to this moment that makes my brain scramble to replay it before it disappears. Trying too hard ruins the effect. I know there aren’t loads of instances in which a man is taking off their shirt in front of you, but when it happens, stay alert. 

2. Enthusiastic about dancing at the club and singing during karaoke 

There is nothing sexy about nonchalance, which is really just a polite word for being boring. I do not want chill head bopping or a complete lack of participation. I want enthusiasm. I want someone willing to be silly, someone who sings karaoke too loudly and dances almost to the point of embarrassment, regardless of how bad they are. 

A man who will dance in a club without shame is a man who will dance at your wedding. Earnestness is magnetic. Confidence does not come from being cool; it comes from being unafraid of joy. 

3. Having a strong, beautiful signature scent

Scent is absurdly powerful. You can walk past a man once, and your next 10 minutes improves purely because he smelled incredible. Men’s colognes also last far longer than perfume, which feels deeply unfair, but undeniably effective. I vividly remember a maths teacher from secondary school who was bald, fat, and honestly really uptight and dull, yet sometimes I felt inexplicably charmed by him simply because his cologne was strong and consistent. A signature scent becomes part of someone’s identity. It is intimate without being invasive, and impossible to ignore. 

I always make sure to tell my male friends when they smell delicious, to reinforce their preferences and help them solidify their signature scent. 

4. When they take off a layer/stretch, and you can see their waist/happy trail 

I feel mildly ashamed admitting this, but an absolute beast of hormones awakens within me when a man stretches or casually removes a layer, and I get a three-second glimpse of their waist or happy trail. It’s like spotting a rainbow on a rainy day: brief, unexpected, spiritually moving. It’s never deliberate, which is precisely why it hits. A man’s waist has an unfair power over me; I genuinely believe it’s the male equivalent of a woman with massive knockers. Effortless. Hard not to stare at. Inappropriate to hold without consent. 

5. Fixes your lipstick with a finger/thumb when it’s lightly smudged 

This one was suggested by one of my flatmates, and it genuinely stopped me in my tracks. Imagine it: a dimly lit bar, a candle flickering on the table, a few drinks in. You’re sitting close to a beautiful man, you’ve already shared a couple of snogs. He looks at your mouth, notices the lipstick he smudged, and gently brushes his thumb across the corner of your lips to fix it.  Writing this out, I’m almost angry it’s not happening to me right now. It’s intimate without being explicit, tender without being try-hard. It says I’m looking at you closely. I truly cannot imagine anything hotter.

6. Can easily open a jar for you with no fuss 

I do not care how embarrassing this sounds. If I cannot open something even after the spoon tap method and a man does it effortlessly, I will drool. It is the hands, the ease, the lack of commentary. Strength paired with politeness is deeply attractive. No sighing, no teasing, just strong hands stepping in and making things easier. If you help without making me feel stupid, I will not stop thinking about your hands for the rest of the day. 

7. Isn’t a fussy eater at all 

This one is important. I can handle someone being a bad cook. I cannot handle culinary fear. If I cook for you and you pick out the onions or look queasy because foods are touching, I am instantly exhausted. I could never date a man who orders a burger everywhere we go or scrunches his nose at mushrooms or green vegetables. I want to share nocerella olives while we wait for our mains. Food is joy, culture, and intimacy. Being fussy feels like closing yourself off for no good reason. 

8. Uses my name a lot casually, without realising 

There is something grounding about someone using your name naturally, without emphasis or intention. Not dramatically, just folded into conversation. Asking you something, getting your attention, speaking to you like you matter. When a man uses my name comfortably, it signals familiarity and presence. It makes me feel seen rather than addressed. Hearing your own name in someone else’s voice can feel surprisingly intimate when it is done without trying. 

9. Remembers small, insignificant details about me 

Not the big things. Anyone can remember birthdays or favourite films. I mean the throwaway comments. How I take my tea. The random dislike I mentioned once and forgot about. When someone brings those details back later, it feels like proof of attention. Like I mattered even when I was not performing or trying to be interesting. It tells me you were listening, and that lingers far longer than any compliment. To me, it genuinely is like saying ‘I Love You’ without the words. 

10. Effortless Car Things 

This category is dangerous because it works as a combination attack. Parallel parking without even thinking about it. Looking over your left shoulder when reversing. Driving one-handed, relaxed, unbothered. None of this is sexual, and yet it absolutely is. It is competence, spatial awareness, and calm control - three things I certainly do not possess when driving. Watching someone navigate something smoothly makes my brain short-circuit in the best way. If you can park first time and not even acknowledge it, I fear I am going to be bragging about it to my friends. 

Honourable Mentions 

• A single slutty hoop earring 

• Drinks tea/black coffee 

• Plaid pyjama trousers 

• Sweaty from exercise and then drinks from a waterbottle 

• Can cook well 

• Has to wear glasses when reading or using his laptop/phone 

  
  

What all of these have in common is effortlessness. They cannot be forced or studied into existence. They happen when someone is relaxed, attentive, and comfortable in themselves, which is exactly why they stay lodged in my mind rent-free. Ideally, I would be using this mental energy to think about my university work, but instead I am replaying men stretching and parallel parking. This feels like a personal failing, but one I am currently unwilling to correct.

Words by Ottilie Trevor-Harris, she/her