Cupid's Aim Is Trash, But I Still Had Him in My Notes App as “Husband”?

A sad girl documentary with dialogue, chaos, and background music

So I met this man.

He had a tote bag.

He said “capitalism is a scam”

and then Venmo requested me for the oat latte.

🎧 now playing: Motion Sickness – Phoebe Bridgers

Me, internally:

“maybe he’s the one?”

God, watching: 💀

Him: “I’m not emotionally unavailable. I’m just like…on a journey?”

Me: “Cool cool cool. Can I come?”

Him: “Nah it’s solo.”

🎧 cue: Ivy -- Frank Ocean

He texted me at 2:14 a.m.

Said he missed “my energy.”

Not me.

My. Energy.

That’s how serial killers talk.

But I replied.

With a gif.

🎧 playing: Right Side of My Neck – Faye Webster

Our dates were always vague.

He called them “link ups.”

He said “let’s flow.”

I said “let’s schedule.”

He said “you’re killing the vibe.”

I said “it’s already on life support.”

We made out in the rain.

I romanticised it.

But he was actually just locked out of his apartment.

🎧 background: Washing Machine Heart – Mitski

He journaled in public.

Smoked American Spirits.

Told me his trauma but never asked for my middle name.

Said he couldn’t commit

but asked me to water his plants while he “went off-grid.”

Sir.

I am not Airbnb housekeeping.

Me to my therapist:

“But I think we have a connection?”

Therapist:

tilts head like a dog hearing jazz

“…Or maybe you just got lovebombed by a man with a moustache and a mummy

complex?”

He posted his Spotify Wrapped.

Number one artist?

Joe Rogan.

I should’ve blocked him on sight.

But instead

I made him banana bread and downloaded Duolingo

because he said he “wanted to go to Portugal and think.”

🎧 play: favourite crime – Olivia Rodrigo

One night:

“I don’t believe in labels.”

Then called his ex his “soul twin.”

Sir, what am I?

A vibes intern?

He disappeared.

Like, Thanos snap, no context.

Then came back two weeks later:

“sorry I needed space.”

And

“can u send me that one pic of us from Halloween?”

I did.

I’m not proud.

🎧 now playing: Hard Feelings/Loveless – Lorde

Barack Obama (voiceover):

“At this moment, she knew: healing wasn’t linear. But neither was his hairline.”

Now he’s dating someone named Skye

who looks like me

but is worse at eyeliner.

And I’m doing fine.

Mostly.

I cried over a mozzarella stick once

but that’s between me and God.

I blocked him.

Then unblocked to check.

Then blocked again.

Growth?

No.

But I did make a playlist called “Men I Shouldn’t Have Prayed About”

and it’s FIRE.

🎧 play: Stick Season – Noah Kahan

The ending?

There isn’t one.

Because he’ll be back

when Mercury’s in retrograde

and my self-esteem is on 3%.

And I’ll say no.

Or maybe I won’t.

But at least this time,

I’ll charge him for the latte.

🎧 closing track: Escapism – Shake and Raye

Words and Artwork by Pakhi Rajesh Kumar Dixit, she/her